you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He felt like a one man threesome
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
