just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
then he tried to convert me to islam
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
