It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
