I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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