It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
