im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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