can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
