theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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