there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
