What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
