Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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