I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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