I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
