I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
