just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
