he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
His hands were made for my vagina.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You pole danced in your parka.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
