ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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