I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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