girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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