Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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