I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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