i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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