Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.

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(205): View more from Alabama

So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls

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(719): View more from Colorado

I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.

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(512): View more from Texas

he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"

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(740): View more from Ohio

Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?

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(905): View more from Ontario

Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again

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(239): View more from Florida

Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?

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