and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
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