So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
