Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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