I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
