Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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