probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
