I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
it's like heaven, but drunker
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
