I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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