after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
