I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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