I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
