Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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