You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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