Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
