Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
