Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
