We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
