Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
