so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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