I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
