I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
