Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
