I just cut my nipple shaving
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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