Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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