Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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