you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
