can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
2020 sucks, I want a refund
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
