I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
